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Thursday, July 12, 2007
6:23 PM
i really dun have confident anymore. current confident is 0%. am i really capable of doing it or should i give up? my mind is really in a whirl. things kept running in my mind and i'm feel that i'm such a failure that i can't maintain my confident. from the start, i'm so confident but so much things has happen. i really dun wish to give up, but if i left wif no choice. i'll start to learn how to give up.
learning how to give up actually is very hard to learn. its hurts when u wanna to give up something which u hang on or have it for so long like the things u wanna do so much, the person whom u loved so much, the pet whom u loved so much and when ur parents say they wanna to give ppl cos they cant afford the cost, u'll feel very sad and can't to bear on the very day of parting and many more things which u have feelings to it. actually, each day. people whom we get along wif, we are actually delevoping feeling wif them and this feelings is not that BGR relationship de feeling but actually the feelings which old friends have. imagine, u were to say goodbye to ur 20yrs old friend one day cos he/she have to go overseas to further his/her studies. starting, u will not get use to it cos his/her existance means so much to you. but, when times goes by, that feeling is gone and when he/she returns u will feel very strange.
dunno starting from which day, i'm like this alrdy. my mind is really playing tricks on me. the more i wanna give up, the more i'm hooked onto it. maybe i'm to cling onto the things which i have developed feelings. how i hope my confident from the start will be back and i'm fine wif everything i do. if i were to tell u that i'm fine, i'm just treating u like a fool and lied to you. well, sometimes i really think that did i walked the wrong step? the step which made me so miserable and painful. or shouldn't i have choose this path in the 1st place. in any case, regretting it makes no diff as it can't change the fact anymore.
well, guess i have to stop here. i'm fine and dun worry abt me. will post again if i have time. Sayonara~ ^^