finally a weekend for me and i couldnt rest at all cos gakkai activities is packed for this 2days.

i really dunno whether i'm feeling stress anot as i dun feel that i really work till i cant breathe at all. all i have is a very strange feeling. plus, i think that my classmates and my cliques dun like me. reasons i really dunno why. everytime i say something, they will jus ignore me or jus shoot me back and i will have to change to another person and looks like very gum with them.

thought that going back to gakkai and can be myself again but it doesnt seems like the case. for example, just now when i'm complaining to zijing they all abt my lecturers and they are like encouraging me. i really appreciated that and i will engrave each and every word in my heart but encouragements is not wad i need, listening ears is wad i want. when jus now on the train after North-South line ppl has alighted, hysen, huixian, hysen's sister and another YWD was on the train. the feeling that i've is, i've no friends at all. they talk as if like i'm transparent, ignoring each and every word that i said. regardless is in school or gakkai, i feel that i dont have any friends. ): but at least i still have the gohonzon which will be forever with me. (:

hw to be done by monday and no matter what, i must struggle through this. i'm neither going to retreat nor i'm going to be defeated. but i'm really very tried. *DEAD*